Some Men Are Just Born Bad.

Some men are just born bad.
Others fall from goodness.
I don’t know.

Sitting in the dark corner, I wait for the man I want to destroy.Man in Dark
I have a loaded gun.
Should I kill him?
Should I hurt him as hell?
Should I let him go?
What he did to me is agonizing. Yet he calls it mercy.

How was it mercy?

Sound of footsteps approaching.
He is here.

God! Give me strength to do the right thing. Give me courage to face my demons.
Give me support to stand up to my fears.

He is at the door.
God! I can’t do this looking at him. I cannot.
I will kill him through the door.
No. I have to do this face to face. He has to look me in the eye.
He has to know who has done it. I owe him that much.
I owe him?
What do I owe him?
He annihilated my entire world.
He took away the only thing I care in this world from me.
I owe him nothing.
No, I owe him his death.

The gun is growing heavy in my hand.
My hand is shaking.
Stop shivering. I held the gun with both my hands to stabilize.

All my pain and years of suffering fuelled rage inside me.
The cold dark door opened noiselessly.

I could see the astonishment on his face.
His jaw dropped in shock.
I will shoot right his opened mouth.

Just as I about to squeeze the trigger and send him to hell, something small moved behind him in the shadows.

Daddy, who is this man?”, spoke a timid voice.
Behind his knee.
“Daddy, I am scared.”, the same voice spoke, peeping from behind and clutching the older man’s hand.
When the door opened completely, I saw a face with blue eyes and golden hair.

My knees gave in.
Earth shattered under my feet.
I dropped like a puppet free of strings. Gun fell off my hands.
I began crying uncontrollably.

“Don’t be afraid princess. He won’t hurt us.”, he replied coldly.
He took the girl in his arms and walked past me as I sobbed.

Today is the day I lost everything.
I don’t how long I knelt on the floor sobbing.
He came and picked me up and helped me onto the couch.

“What are you doing here David?”, he spoke as he sat in a chair across me.
I did not have the courage to look up.
“Huh! Speak up David. To kill me? Is this what you consider revenge?? Look at you. Drunk, broke and God knows how you still survive!”, he continued.
“Look at me. You wanted to kill me? Why? Because I saved a little girl from you? A fragile infant from rotting like you?”, there is anger in his voice.
“What happened to you? You were the best man I’ve known. And I was your best man when you married my sister. The smart, successful and charming man who was the center of our small lives. Together we faced we so many troubles. And we survived. But today? Who are you now? Murderer?”

I dunno who am I anymore.
His words sparked all the past memories I have been pressing down.
The most beautiful bride in an elegant white dress with a matching sparkling smile.
The happy times together.
Green summers, wet rains, golden autumns and cold winters.
Fall of economy, fall of lives and fall of leaves.
(S)andy, (I)an and (D)avid.
We were together.
We always believed in hope.
We fell together and rose again together.
We welcomed an angel to our little happy clutch.
Sarah, my little princess.
I remember the day she was born. I remember her holding my finger for the first time. I remember holding her in my arms. I remember her opening eyes to look at me. I remember the warmth of joy filling my heart.
I also remember the day Sandy closed her eyes forever. I remember the day when I broke down on her coffin. I remember the day I fell into the shadows holding a bottle. I remember the day when I became a slave to this poison. I neglected my Sarah. I neglected Ian. I was supposed to be his rock. But I became a dump of rocks. My life became chaos. Five years since Ian took my daughter away from me. All the resentment I harboured against him was for nothing. I should be hating myself, not him.
Looking at my Sarah today, shame rained torrents on me.

“David, Do you know why I took Sarah from you? Huh? Do you?
She needs care, protection, love and nurture. She needs a father. All you did was drink. Sandy’s passing was difficult for me too. But beyond death there is life. These are very words you told me. Wake up David. Leave this pity state behind. There is still hope.”

I looked up into his tear-stained eyes matching mine.
Yes, there is hope for me too.
Life with my family.
Life with my best friend.
Life with my Sarah.

Was I born bad?
Or did I fell from goodness??
I don’t know.
But today I was born again. I will make things worth living again.

And I know my Sandy is back.

sad man walking

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